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On April 16, 2021 our beautiful baby boy Joshua Matthew made his way into the world at 12:36 pm followed by his identical brother Daniel Joel at 12:37 pm. They arrived just under 31 weeks gestational age, perfect in every way and ready for their new lives with big brother Samuel who is 3 years old and mom and dad, Pamela and Mark Switzer.

Nothing prepares you for the joy and rush of emotions when you recognize your newborn child, seeing him for the first time in real life rather than on a black and white image.  Nothing prepared us for the sheer joy of seeing the two of them, with their sweet faces identical as well as their hands and feet and tiny gestures – all so reminiscent of their big brother Sam’s.

Joshua and Daniel spent their entire gestation snuggled or spooned, always close to each other, no matter the room they had to stretch out. Daniel had the most room to move about but was always as close as possible to his brother, ever the protective big brother from the very first ultrasound. They were so energetic and active that they were almost impossible to monitor while mom was in hospital antepartum. They were fighters from the first moment of life, pushing back against Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) and Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction (sIUGR) to successfully make it well beyond viable gestational age. Life with their family seemed sure to their doctors. Together, we had won getting them to healthy viability.

Then, the acute TTTS event that went from Stage 0 to acute Stage 5, happened sometime in the early morning of April 16th and required they be delivered asap. Although they were delivered via emergency caesarean and were stable after birth, at 24 hours old Joshua’s condition became critical without warning. He fought bravely against the toll the TTTS reversed-umbilical flow event took on his body the prior day, until mommy and daddy told him it was alright to rest, that we loved him so, and would see him again one day as we sang him to sleep for the first and only time. We unwillingly surrendered him to his heavenly caregivers, far too early – his life but a promise of firsts: first smile, first laugh, first kisses, first hugs, every first sweet moment in which we will witness and honor Joshua through his perfect mirror image in Daniel. Mark and I will forever be parents of twins, loving all three of our boys with hearts not quite whole.

We simply could not love you more, Joshua. 

In Remembrance of Joshua

We’ve chosen not to hold a public service for Joshua. In lieu of flowers, we’d be honored if donations were made in Joshua’s memory to the Twin to Twin Transfusion Foundation (https://tttsfoundation.org) which began as a mother’s promise to her twins Matthew and Steven, two baby boys who started the fight against TTTS. Mark and I are grateful to have met both of our twins in-person, yet so many parents do not have that opportunity. Every day, Mary, the TTTS Foundation’s amazing staff and network of volunteers help mommas like me, at the point of their need – in their everyday moments, crying in their cars after diagnosis, boarding airplanes to get to one of only eight or so specialist fetal surgeons in the country, waiting in hotel rooms and the purgatory of the “in betweens” of ultrasounds, in the consuming darkness of this diagnosis. Mary first called me after my first ultrasound confirmation of TTTS and listened, comforted, and supported me while I cried in my car for two hours, terrified of the unknowns. She has been a lighthouse in this storm for me, able to understand my fears and now my loss as only another mom of daisy babies can. Please join us in our fight against TTTS, the thief who conspires to steal our babies and our dreams.