We’re only 10 days away from our 32 week goal of 4/25! I’m now equal in gestational size to a woman at 38 weeks carrying a single baby. My body is tired and the wheels are beginning to come off – but we are so close!

This week our big baby’s growth puts him at 3lbs 8 oz and our small baby is at 2lbs 6 oz. Both have fluid pockets of approx. 7 cm which is in the normal range. Dopplers are still elevated but stable. It’s hard to believe at these weights, their tiny little bodies have passed the threshold for survival outside the womb!

Also at this time, three things are becoming quite clear:

#1 with each passing day, the threshold for what could drive delivery gets lower, and I am evaluated daily to weigh if the twins better out than in.

#2 this will be a dramatic, emergency csection- it will be some issue that pops up and the doctors say, “okay, it’s time; we’re taking you to the OR”. I’ve already had a couple of ‘prepped for the OR’ scares that got canceled at the last minute which I consider practice. So, I’m just being grateful for each additional day that they stay in.

#3 hospitals are generally not restful places. Antepartum in hospitals are a kind of low-grade CIA torture. For example, I’ve been trying to write these few paragraphs now for an hour, because I’ve been interrupted 8 times by someone coming into my room, be that a nurse who just gave me meds 15 minutes before but now has decided to come back and take vitals, or nutrition stopping by to inquire why I’m not loving their “homemade soups”, to housekeeping, the sharps container collection guy, etc. I have to stop what I’m doing, put on my mask, and pay attention (nurses don’t take kindly to anyone staying on the phone or looking at their phone; they posses a teacher voice that takes me back to 2nd grade). There’s only one time per day that I have no meds or checks between midnight to 6 am and should be able sleep for that 6 hours, in theory. But, if my monitoring runs long like the night before last until 4 am, I get 2 uninterrupted hours of sleep. If I don’t get up every 3 hours and empty my bladder, contractions begin. So, I’ve begun my slow descent into post-partum zombiehood. Who really needs cognitive function anyway? 🤣

When I deliver, likely sooner rather than later, the silver linings are not only getting to see my babies’ faces and be back home with my husband and 3 year old, but to once again take a full breath, sit upright at a table or on a sofa instead of having to remain horizontal, see and reach my feet, get my balance back, shower without being terrified of a fall/injury, no longer have the headaches, swelling and eye pressure, or a myriad of other inconveniences that culminate into somewhat miserable days and nights. I’m finally ready to be done, but it’s my job to bake them for as long as I can. But I will celebrate when I get to live alone in my body again.

Thanks everyone for your support! We’re almost there!

💙💙👣👣🍼🍼